King Father has decreed that I must findeth mineself an fucking missus, so you are all commanded to cum dressed in hardly anything so that I mayest og...e thine bottoms and boobies. Oh, and only the Sexiest People are allowedeth in.Yours Hoping for Jackanapes,Roger the Prince.”“Ooooo,” cooed one of the Stepsisters. “Do you think Jackanapes will be there? He’s ever so handsome.”“I hope his brother, Jackanory, is there too,” sighed the other Stepsister. “What a wonderful view. Especially naked…”. I suddenly realized that I was not hearing the low roar of the chimney turbine, and went to check on it. Sure enough, the flame was out, and I was amazed to find the valve to the diesel turbine closed so tightly I could not turn it. The valves are quite delicate, so much so that one of the first things I did when training people to use the cremator was to caution them that the valves are to be closed gently, so as not to damage them. I tried the valve again, but this time it turned easily.. I sort of forgot about that for a moment. So ... is he going to kill me?"The subject of our discussion stepped out of the woods to stand over us, and we both jumped. "Not unless you hurt her, Alistair." Aedan made a serious intimidating face. I giggled and he scowled."I, uh, will try very hard not to." See that you do." Aedan grinned, leaned over and kissed the top of my head, and disappeared again."Does he know how creepy that is when he does that?" I heard that!" came floating back to us. But people don't like to talk about masturbation. And worse still, people don't THINK about how complicated it is, or how important it can be to do it right.So I decided to write down some thoughts, so that, the next time you contemplate Wrestling the Bald-headed Champ (if you're a guy) or Paddling the Pink Canoe (for you gals), you can do a better job at it.As my primary pen name suggests, I am not inexperienced with the concept of Battling the Purple-Headed Yogurt Slinger that I was born.
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