I’m just trying to get back to normal, whatever that means, even if it means not being exactly who I want to be. But then again, maybe it is who I a.... I don’t know. And why can’t I use my feelings in my songs?”“You can. I was just saying—” I waved my hands vaguely. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m not making sense.” I joined her on the bed. “Look, I know we hid it away. But I thought that it was still real. Still there, underneath.”“It is still there, Matt, it is. But whether things are real or. “Would you cheat on me?” “Never,” I breathed. “I would treat you like a queen.” She moved even closer, pressing herself against me. “I want you, Jack. I want your grey hairs and your worldly cynicism.” “Oh, fuck,” I said. I grabbed her and kissed her deeply. Her mouth was sweet and her body rose against mine. How could I turn this down? How could anyone? I picked her up. The ease with which I did this did not make me feel any less like a perv. Carmen smiled teasingly up at me and began to. I signed the pre-nup in good faith and I wasn't to know Paul had other plans." OK, let's talk and I'm... , well I'm sorry about just now. I am feeling so hurt that daddy deceived me like this. It's so unfair." She sat on the settee and I went and sat next to her.I saw tears forming in her eyes and I realised how hurt she was feeling. I put my arm round her shoulder to try to comfort her but she was tense and tried to shrug it off. But I persisted and drew her to me. She let go, weeping quietly. On our birthdays and Christmas, we went home to spend the day with Mom and dad, with Dad either overtly or covertly handing me a check, usually for an obscene amount of money. He's such a softy!The next couple of years went by and in September of 1995, we got a call from Mom. We rushed home to see them taking Dad away in an ambulance. We saw them load him inside, but he was covered up completely.I embraced Mom and Joanie embraced me!"He ... just keeled over kids and it was all I could think of.
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