We were sitting at a table with a friend of his when Frank asked “Would you like something bad to happen to your ex? Like, if Phil here stopped him...and found some coke on him, he’d lose his ticket to practice law, or. . .”“Frank, he doesn’t use coke.”“. . . Tina, I didn’t say he used coke. I said Phil could find some on him. Or, he could fall and break a leg or something -- all kinds of things could happen to a guy who was stupid enough to hurt my girlfriend even before she knew she was my. . ‘Stop it! Get off him Valerie! You should be past this sort of thing now my girl!’In that instance I knew what was implied; our activity was not decent.Something precious had been replaced by a guilt complex. It had also induced a deep sense of shame into my sexuality.Much later in married life, I discovered that only a guilt-ridden fantasy of Dan allowed me to climax fully.For me sex was a cocktail which included a shot of Dan and a shot of Shame.But since my husbands death, all that had. " I didn't fight the label. It was pointlessto anyway at that point. Their minds were made up. I accepted that Iwas gay to them, because, to me, it was no big deal. My "closeted"gayness also helped keep their mouths shut about my cross-dressing, so Iwent along with it.It was a difficult time for me as I pretended to be gay around them evenwhen they cajoled me into signing up for an adult ballet class at schoolwith them. After that, I was gay to a whole lot of people. That wasthe easy. She half expected them to kill her as they made her kneel in front of them. They might have done more to her, and she was mentally preparing herself for it, until Chief Dahr’khash had shown up, ordering them to restrain themselves. She knew then he intended to be the one to take her himself or let one of his sadistic sons have their way with her.Still, the fact they had listened to their chief was surprising, something which she was very thankful for. Shaking herself loose of the memory, she.
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