I was soaked again by the time I got there. I ordered and paid for twenty tons. That would be delivered tomorrow afternoon. I squelched back to the fo...ge to arrange with Jonas where the coal should go.When I reached Mary's cottage I was shivering. She took one look at me and ordered me to have a hot bath. While I was enjoying the unaccustomed luxury she went to my cottage to get a complete change of clothing for me. She dried me with a warm towel and dressed me in clothes that had been warmed. For my part, I am available to talk determinism to anyone for two hundred and fifty pounds an hour, but somehow I doubt whether the market is there. * I have continued to recruit in large numbers. In fact, in that respect the move into the sex business has been a godsend (probably not the most fitting word to use, on reflection). My girls move freely in the strange sexual parallel universe they inhabit, are well acquainted with my tastes, and are constantly on the lookout for girls with the. God how I wish they could walk for one day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, feeling that life within me as it lives and moves and grows. I stare back to unsettle them, unblinking, unforgiving. They look away but the whispering continues. I have no one to whisper to. I have lost again and look away with eyes full of remorse and hurt and that glint of fear. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard. “But I have to take peewee home to nurse and go night-night. Why don’t you two go have a celebratory drink. I heard someone say they were going to Matt’s. Why don’t you join them?”“Yeah. A lot of people are going there. He’s always really friendly to theatre kids. I think he graduated from here and ended up taking over his father’s restaurant. He always gives theatre majors a discount. But...”“Lily, ride with Bruce. I’ll take your car and get Emily tucked in bed.”“Okay,” she said.
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