But now, I'm moreconflicted than ever.I could start taking the pills tomorrow and completely abandon 'Steve'forever, or pull on the jeans, cut my hair...short and say goodbye to'Stephanie'... But deep down, I know exactly what I'll end up doing-nothing whatsoever, just as I've always done. I'll just stay in 'noperson's land', not a man- but not truly a woman either.Before I get into bed I put my pills away in my suitcase and fold my-'Steve's- new clothes neatly before placing them back in the. Better than trying the Swan, only to find it’s still full.” Mel suggested. In hindsight I should have been concerned, particularly given my initial reaction, when they first spoke to me earlier in the afternoon, but I didn’t object, which turned out to be a richly rewarding decision. I followed them across the field and up to the farmhouse, a few hundred yards up a gently sloping field from the river. The farmer was introduced to me, whom they explained as being a fellow Thames walker faced. She launched into her morning brief on current affairs and guests. Eve went into her dressing room and Joan stayed at the table. She said, "Bill, may I talk with you a moment?" Of course." Will you be honest with me?" Joan, I will but, if I were lying, I would say that, too."She gave a little start as that statement registered. She grinned. "What are you and Eve planning?"I said, "I guess you've figured out that we've acknowledged that we love each other?" She nodded. "We're trying to figure. I hunted up the five journals, put them on a table near one of the panoramic windows and made myself comfortable. I caught myself staring out over the trees toward the Pacific, sighed, and opened Nineteenth-Century Fiction to "The Image of the Woman in She." It was awful. Not only was it a pastiche of Goethe's notions of the "eternal feminine" plus modern feminism, but the writing was bad. Trendy yet insubstantial. I went on to "'The Happy Prince' and The Happy Hypocrite: Two Myths." I only got.
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