"Now how do you answer your mother?" Yesth Mummy," I gasped in a higher pitched voice."That's MUCH better sweetheart," mummy tenderly said before turn...nground and heading back downstairs. I moved one hand to my tummy andbegan rubbing it in slow circles to try and make the cramps in my tummygo away, while desperately trying to make sure that I didn't have anaccident.The penalty for an accident was a further douching, BUT.... with COLDwater AND a bigger bag. I'd been trained to handle these early. Mr Black seemed intent on me not knowing her realname. I couldn't see the harm in a first name. But nothing he did waswithout purpose I guess."Will Kevin know what I became?" I ask forlornly. I wouldn't want herto know. I remembered asking him (when he was a him) to specificallygive up hookers for me. Did she really suggest to Mr Black that Ibecome one?"I don't think she'd care to know one bit."I was stupid to keep asking. Every time I did, the answer was justdemoralizing. She wasn't the Kevin. Suddenly, I hear a noise coming from the living and I freaked out – thinking it’s that black home invader, but soon I saw the hallway light come on from the bottom gap of my door – this time, it was my dad. So I take a deep breath and relax, but then something happened that would forever change me. As I laid there I tried NOT to think of a home invader coming in and watching my family and I sleep it crept me out even more than it had earlier in the day, but I could not escape those thoughts.. She is tired of being sad, tired of not even minding that someone her age should grieve. And in the thin bony box of her head she understands, and accepts, the fact that her immense unhappiness is doomed to irrelevance anyway. Why worry? Why yearn toward a dream that is doomed to be unfulfilled? Because it would ease my regret. The woman can’t even express her inner turmoil to others, apart from holding onto a loud, scratchy moan. She does this, on occasion, to no effect. She feels a part of.
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